Hey guys! Sorry it has been a while since I’ve posted a blog… A) I had my college graduation last month and was inundated with family outings and celebrations B) I went to AUSTRALIA! Blog post on that possibly coming soon… and C) My laptop completely crashed on me! So I have been away from a computer for a bit. But I’m back and wanted to do my first post on one of my favorite topics… love life. ♥
I have had my share of healthy and unhealthy relationships. Lucky for me, most of my early twenties have been in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. However, many of my friends have suffered from bad and mentally draining/damaging relationships and I myself have experienced one first hand… there is nothing worse! I am no relationship expert but I do have a few pieces of advice that have helped me to sustain a healthy and mentally beneficial relationship… which is what we all deserve!
- You, and then him. There is nothing worse than a clingy partner. Don’t give into the temptation to revolve your life around your partner. I know at first this can be hard, especially in the honeymoon phase (I will give you slack there) BUT… it is immeasurably important to be independent! Find your own group of friends that aren’t mutual between you and your partner. Try to have at least 2 or 3 hobbies/ activities you pursue without your partner. For me, this has been as simple as spin class, studying interior design, singing and experimenting with cooking. My boyfriend on the other hand has more hobbies than I can count; surfing, sailing, guitar, flag football league and trivia night. (LOL) But, I will admit, this is attractive to see your partner being independent and pursuing their passions. Nurturing yourself and your independence, in the long term, creates a better version of yourself for you and your partner.
- Maintained sex life is a good life. In long term relationships this can get tricky. Maybe you live together, you’ve become complacent, you’re both busy with work, you are stressed about money. All of this can get in the way of a healthy sex life. At the end of the day, humans have an instinctual need for sex; it is actually beneficial to your health and well being. I recently read in Goop’s, The Sex Issue, that when people are told to give themselves a grade on aspects of their life such as work, social and fitness, they give an A or B; but when told to give themselves a grade on their sex life and level of effort given to this area, they typically give a D or an F. If you improve your sex letter grade by 1 or 2 grades, it can actually help all other parts of your life. ~Food for thought~ One tip that really resonated with me from The Sex Issue was the creation of sexual attraction through a strong polarity in feminine and masculine energies. In short, the longer you date someone, the more you become alike. One way to strengthen the sexual attraction in the relationship is to go back into your deeply feminine energy (or masculine) and allow your partner to do the opposite. For women, the feminine energy can be charged by talking to a friend on the phone, pampering yourself with a face mask or hot bath, having a glass of wine. For men, this means engaging in competition (sports), partaking in a focused mental activity (guitar, video game, etc.) or zoning out completely (tv). If you tap into your respective energies alone and then come together afterward, it can help to elevate your sexual attraction to one another.
- Distance makes the heart grow fonder. This old saying could not be more true. Distance apart is essential for any long lasting relationship! It may be hard to be away from your partner for long periods of time but it truly re-energizes the relationship and creates an appreciation for the other that could not be built if you are together 24/7. I recently took a 2 week holiday alone to Australia which was more for myself than anything, but helped my relationship as well. You don’t need to travel across the world to create a distance between you and your partner. You could spend a night out with girlfriends, take a weekend trip to a nearby city or go zone out at the beach for a while. This also means that when your partner has to go on a long business trip, you are 100% supportive. For example, my boyfriend was asked to relocate to South Carolina earlier this year… I was a little shook but at the end of the day, I was supportive of him because I knew it would be better for his career in the long run. Luckily, he didn’t end up having to relocate; but knowing that I was supportive probably made him feel good. Likewise, one of my best friends has to move to Paris + NYC this summer, away from her long term boyfriend; and her boyfriend is supportive too. It’s the strongest relationships that can sustain through the distance. It’s okay to be away from your partner and it’s okay to be alone.
- A little spoiling never hurt anybody. Being surprised (even if you are one of those people who claims they “hate” surprises) always adds some optimism to a relationship. While it is nice to receive gifts from your boyfriend, you need to reciprocate! Guys like to be spoiled sometimes too. This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to go spend a ton of money on a Gucci watch; just leaving a romantic good morning note and a pre-made smoothie for his day of work can do the trick. When your partner accomplishes something great, like a promotion, completing a marathon, graduating, etc. it is nice to splurge on something they have been eyeing for a long time. Going out of your way to be thoughtful is always beneficial to any relationship.
- Vulnerability. Allowing your boyfriend/girlfriend to know the deepest parts of you can bring you closer and create trust. These are the parts no one else gets to know. Maybe they aren’t the seemingly perfect qualities you project to the outside world. It can be extremely difficult to open up your truest self to another human; (don’t we constantly try to hide that self on social media and in front of people we want to impress?) Intimate relationships are rare in life… you may only experience a few in your lifetime; that is why it is so important to be vulnerable and allow your partner to know the truest you.
Hope this was beneficial to anyone looking for a meaningful relationship. It’s not always black and white, and sustaining a long term relationship can be tough work but the reward is immense.